Dither
by thewhateverdude
Summary: Something is wrong with Gryffindor's Golden Trio... Hermione doesn't want to be with Ron! Will this be the end for them? What is Hermione's problem, exactly? And is Draco the reason for all these chaos? Find out! DracoHermione


**DITHER**

**A/N: **This fic is consisted of dialogues only. To differentiate who said what, let this be your guide:

**BOLD- Draco**

_ITALIC- HERMIONE_

UNDERLINE- HARRY

NORMAL- RON

_ITALIC&UNDERLINE- BLAISE_

**BOLD&UNDERLINE-SNAPE**

"_Oh my goodness! Tell me that's not true… please?"_

"…"

"_Harry?"_

"Hermione, I'm so sorry but I really can't help you."

"_And why is that exactly? I remember so well that YOU are the cause of all these--- urg!"_

"Yeah, but--"

"_No, Harry! This is your fault! Why should I suffer from your stupidity?"_

"Come on, Hermione! It's not that bad. All you have to do is to accompany him until the blasted potion wears off."

"_Eww, Harry! I refuse to be within 25 meters of that--- that--- hideous thing!"_

"**Finally, Granger sees the light and the hideousness and the monstrosity of Weasley."**

"Shut up, Malfoy! You're not making things any better."

"**I never said I would, Potter."**

"What in Merlin's knickers is your bloody problem, Malfoy?

"**You. Do you really have to ask?"**

"_Will you stop bickering? You two are worse than a sexually-frustrated couple!"_

"That's revolting, Hermione!"

"**Granger, just so you know, I'm not interested in anything sexually-related with Potter. You of all people should know that, after all you have had first hand experience just last night."**

_Blush _

"Stop hitting on Hermione, you bastard!"

"**Stop corrupting my head, you vermin!"**

"You're head's long been corrupted, you corrupted person you!"

"**Yeah, it has been corrupted the moment I heard of your existence, you despicable person you!"**

"_I have always known that retaining so much sexual energy is not a very bright idea."_

"**Zabini, I suggest you shut your trap if you want to see tomorrow."**

"Where did you come from?"

"_From my mother and father."_

"_Honestly! What's with all the sexually-related remarks? Haven't you thought of what I have to do and what I feel? Doesn't my current situation appall you? How can you not think of it and concentrate on something not horrific and--- lewd?"_

"**What, you think seeing Pothead here is not horrific and disgustingly lewd?"**

"_Wow, Draco. You're thinking of Potter in a lewd way."_

"_Eww, Zabini! Stop it! That's disgustingly disgusting!"_

"What is Zabini doing here anyways? Hermione, did you invite him?"

"_No. Draco did."_

"**No I didn't. He came here on his own."**

"What?"

"_Hey, I am also allowed to go here. I am a prefect too, you know."_

"_Well, for your information, we're here for a purpose and not just to pick on each other. And the aforementioned purpose is to bring back Ronald Weasley to his normal state, which is the not… umm… horny state."_

Shock

"…"

"**Umm, Granger?"**

"_Oh my goodness! Did I just say that? Tell me I didn't just say that! Draco, help?"_

"**That's okay, honey. I love it when you're kinky." **

"I told you to stop hitting on Hermione, you bastard!"

"**I told you to stop corrupting my head, you vermin!"**

"_Stop it! Let's just put our heads together and think of a way to restore Ron."_

"**I don't want to put my head together with Potter. It might get infected with fleas or something."**

"_Draco, do want to see me, Hermione Granger, your girlfriend, being drooled over and being groped by a Weasley?"_

"**Hell no!"**

"_Then help us think, will you!"_

"_Really, Granger? Weasley's drooling over you and did I hear you right, he's trying to grope you too?"_

"_Sigh... Yes, Zabini."_

"**That's not all; he's trying to bed her! And guess whose bright idea that was."**

"_Umm… Potter's?_

"**Damn right."**

"No, that's not true! I didn't exactly did that on purpose. It was just an accident, honest! My anti-nauseating potion messed up and it somehow turned to a nasty lust potion. Snape made Ron drink it and the first person he laid eyes on, that was Hermione, became the most unfortunate victim of his raging--- and I mean RAGING--- hormones."

"_That's quite a tale Potter. How come I wasn't able to witness this?"_

"**You were in Dumbledore's office then."**

"_Oh yeah, I remember. But have you told Snape of what happened?"_

"_We didn't need to because the moment Ron saw me, he jumped on me and started licking and groping my--- urg!"_

"_What did Snape do?"_

"He snickered like mad! He says we have to find a solution to it ourselves."

"_I have to agree with him, you know, because it's really your fault for not following the instructions."_

"I did! I followed every single instruction. I cut and measured every ingredient precisely." 

"**If you did, how come it resulted to this? Are you really that stupid? How can you turn an anti-nauseating concoction to a lust potion?"**

"_Let us not blame each other. It won't take us anywhere. We really have to think of a solution to that problem now or else Ron might--- I don't know--- piss himself dead."_

"_Where is Weasley, by the way?"_

"_We left him in Flitwick's classroom. I think he can't possibly create havoc there with only cushions and a few dusty armchairs."_

"**What we need to do now is to think of a solution."**

"I already told you the solution! Hermione only have to accompany him until the potion wears off."

"**Yeah and get her shagged rotten by a freckle-faced monster. No, I won't allow that."**

"_No, Draco, Potter's right. I think that's the only choice we have. We can't make an antidote because Potter has no idea how or why he messed up the anti-nauseating concoction."_

"_Yeah, that could be dangerous. Antidotes can cause complications if made with neglect and carelessness."_

"_You can stay with Granger until Potter's potion wears off of Weasley anyways, Draco."_

"**Yeah, I think I would. I can't just leave her with inept baboons now, can I?"**

"_Well, I think that wasn't hard, was it? All you have to do is agree with us."_

"Yeah, we wouldn't be wasting time if only you agreed with me from the very start."

"**Whatever, Potter. Don't need to rub it in my face."**

"But oh, how I delight in it! Making Mighty Malfoy eat his words."

"**Shut up now before I do you bodily harm." **

…

"**Ouch! Who gave you the permission to stomp on my precious foot, Potter? Do you know that your entire life isn't even worth my toenail? Just beware, Potter. I happen to know your relatives and where they live."**

"Are you threatening me, Malfoy?"

"**No, actually, I'm playing with Crookshanks' ball of yarn. Of course I am, fuckwit!"**

"_Stop it, you two! It's bad enough that we're sneaking in the shadows of the night looking for Ron. It's past curfew already and if we're caught, you both won't live to see sunshine!"_

"**Really, honey? If I don't know any better I'll think that you aren't an expert in sneaking in the shadows past curfew."**

_Giggle_

"Quit that! I don't need to hear the specifics of your nightly trysts. Oh, I think I'll heave giant slugs."

"_Be quiet! We're near the Charms classroom now."_

"…"

"…"

"_Someone's moaning."_

"**That would be Weasley."**

"Wait here. I'm going in first to check if he's, you know, umm--- decent."

…

"Ron?"

"Hermione, why do you torment me so? I just want to be with you…"

"Ron?"

"Hermione?"

"No, it's Harry."

"Oh, Harry… Are you sure you're Harry?"

"Yeah."

"Good. Did you bring my Tinkle-Tums?

"Uh, you mean Hermione?

"Of course! Who else? Come on, show her to me. I'm yearning for my sunlight. She's the reason why I live."

"Yeah, right… Umm, she's just outside and---"

"Tinkle-Tums, darling, I'm coming!"

"Calm down! Ron! Stop it! She says she won't go in if you won't behave."

"But---"

"No, Ron! Behave or no Hermione."

"Okay."

"Now, the moment she enters the room, you will just sit still and she'll talk to you and accompany you until you're… umm…back to normal. Am I coming across?"

Drool

"Urg! Disgusting! Okay. Remember, just behave and you'll be fine. I'll just call her."

…

"Okay, Ron's decent. You can go in now."

"_Okay."_

"**No, I'll go in first, just to be sure."**

…

"**Urg! Get off me, you monster! Hey! Watch where you put your hands! Yuck! Stop licking my--- Potter help! Get him off me!" **

"Stupefy!"

Thump

"…"

"…"

"…"

"**Hermione, honey, did you see that? I told you that baboon can't control himself. He practically molested me! It's a good thing I entered first or he'll be eating your face now. Come on, Hermione. Let's leave these assholes to rot here."**

"…"

"**Hermione?"**

"_Draco, I think I'll---" Vomit_

"…"

"…"

"**Potter, don't just stand there! Tie Weasley somewhere before he gains consciousness."**

_Sob "Draco?" Whimper_

"**That's okay, honey. You'll be fine."**

"_I hope… I only can hope."_

…

"There. Ron's all tied up."

"**Just make that sure, Potter or I swear on Merlin's pink knickers, I'll hex your ass off to oblivion the moment that hideous thing jumps on my Hermione."**

"Malfoy, just lay off the threats, will you?"

"**Why? You're not getting scared now, are you Potter?"**

"Whatever Malfoy…"

Stir "Hermione, baby?" Groan

"_Oh my gracious goat! He's--- he's rousing! Draco… Harry, what must we do?"_

"Let's just calm down. He can't possibly disentangle himself out of that bind…"

"Hermione! My Tinkle-Tums! I knew you can't leave me here alone! I knew you'd never desert me! I knew you love me as much as I love you! Oh gods, Tinkle-Tums! I knew it! I knew it! Now, you and I can freely love each other. Nothing, I tell you, nothing in this world can stop us now!"

"**You are truly demented, Weasley. I never thought anyone would best Potter in that particular area but I guess I'm wrong. I never was a person of sympathy but really, I can't help pitying you."**

Gasp "What are you doing here, you minion of the devil! How did manage to break loose from hell? Why the hell am I tied in a dusty chair? And why are you squeezing the life out of my Tinkle-Tums? Take your filthy paws off of my Hermione right now, Malfoy or I'll---"

"**What, stare at me until I bleed? Go ahead, don't let anyone stop you. And yes, I managed to break loose from hell solely because I want to see you suffer like that. And just so you know, my hands are worth more than your entire pathetic lineage of baboons you call family. And I'm not squeezing the life out of your Twinkle-Toes; I'm protecting her from you by the means of hugging."**

"Why should you protect her from me? And--- and you haven't answered my fourth question yet. Why am I tied up in a dusty chair?"

"**You're really stupid. That was your third question not the fourth. You're tied up in a chair so you won't pounce on Hermione; hence, I'm protecting her from you, just in case you manage to disentangle yourself from that chair."**

"Is that true, Tinkle-Tums, you---"

"**Don't want to be pounced upon? Don't want to be drooled over by a freckle-faced monster? Don't want to be with someone whose hair looks like some lice are living there? Don't like being around someone who smells like pee? Don't love a particularly pathetic person with the name 'Ronald Weasley'? Yes. Affirmative to all."**

"I wasn't talking to you, you nasty in-born prat! Do this deteriorating world a favor, will you. Jump from the roof of the astronomy tower, land face first on some quagmire ground somewhere and forever perish."

"**Oh, I will right after I see your damnation to eternal hell in the arms of that Parkinson harlot and that of Pothead's."**

"_Draco, please stop it. I think I'm going to be sick again."_

"Look at what you did, Malfoy! My Hermione's going to be sick because of you! Hermione, Tinkle-Tums, will you be okay? I'll walk you to the hospital wing--- just let me--- get rid of these--- ropes--- oh, blast it! Get these ropes off of me! I want to be with my Hermione!"

"Ron, calm down!"

"Don't tell me when to calm down, Scarhead! How will I calm down when I am currently tied in a chair? How will I calm down? How will I calm down when some twitchy little ferret is damaging my precious, precious Hermione! HOW WILL I CALM DOWN!"

"_Stop this rubbish! Ron, I am not your 'precious, precious Hermione' or your 'Tinkle-Tums'! I don't love-love you. I love you as a friend. Only as a friend and nothing more! Get that through your super thick skull, will you! And stop harassing my boyfriend with unkind words because there will never be an US! There never had and there never will!" _

Gasp "But---"

"**No, Weasley! Get over it! It's true."**

Sob "But---"

"I'm sorry it has to be like this, mate."

Moan "But---"

"_Really, Ron, you're so dense at times!"_

Cries "But why can't it be the two of us! Why are you with that ferret prick when I've been by your side from the every start? I love you, you know, with my whole heart, with my whole soul. You're the air that I breathe. You're the light when I'm blind. You're my Hermione! Why? WHY CAN'T IT BE THE TWO OF US!"

…

"_Professor Snape, when exactly will Potter's potion wear off of Weasley? I believe Malfoy's having a problem with that. He refuses to leave Granger alone with the two oafs; he's concerned about Granger's virtue."_

"**Zabini, I suggest you keep your nose off of their business. But as to the diminishing of the potion, I can only guess, based on Potter's potion-making talents, or lack thereof, that the potion will weaken on a full moon."**

"_But professor, that's not until the next month."_

"**Well, we will certainly have an interesting month."**

**FIN**

**A/N: **I did it! Whoohoo! Pats herself on the back This is my first fic and yes, I'm proud as hell! Thanks to Raissa for the inspiration. Never could have done this without you! My wonderful peers from Ampotahz, I hope you enjoy this. And yeah, this fic is a challenge from Raissa with the following requirements:

Vomiting Hermione

Slugs

Full moon

Drooling

Shadows

Rooftop/roof

Quagmire

"Why can't it be the two of us!"

Now, go make someone insanely happy by reviewing!

**thewhateverdude**


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